Wow, so people are real silly. I'm going to make this thing private from here on out. The end.

We're in Lock Haven right now for our game tonight.
I don't like it here.


And I'm still sick.
Fuck. That. Shit.

BAHH to english essays.
BAHH to journalism quizzes.
BAHH TO BEING SICK.





das Ende.

I'm sorry, I forgot to mention 2 other things that were very big highlights of my weekend: calling Caitlin and learning of Carolyn's sudden conversion to Judaism.

Speaking to my soulmate and finding another Jew in the world?

You betcha ;-)


p.s... My Chemical Romance's new CD "The Black Parade" seriously kicks some major ass, you have no idea. If you like them, even in the slightest bit, get the CD or something because it's amazingly wonderful. It's macabre and peppy and goth and dark and mysterious and 70's and 80's and rockinnnn good fun. Musically, it's beautiful. Lyrically, it's poetic and raw. Vocally, ::sigh:: Gerard... how I loves theeeee.

This weekend was supposed to be good.

I guess I would give it a mediocre.

Subpar?

Highlights:
Seeing Dylan and company.
Making Carolyn and Lili think I'm even weirder than I was before I left.
Going to the CLD, what whaaaat, represent.
Going to a fancy-schmancy birthday party for 5 year old triplets.
Eating Heath Bar cheesecake ice cream at Coldstone.

Low points:
Losing to Rider 4-0.
Getting the sweater that I ordered, only to find that it's too small.
Being not very happy with Josh practically all weekend.
Feeling like I barely saw him.
Mike breaking up with Sarah, thus I barely saw her.
Not seeing Christine.
Not getting to hang out with my sister at all, except for at the party.
Being bitched at by my parents 24/7 for practically no reason.
The Eagles losing the game on a fucking field goal with almost no time left.
Getting sick.
Coming back to school.


Yeah. My weekend home was supposed to be a lot better than this :-/

p.s. my throat hurts

13 days until Halloween. 
1 day until I go home.


Here is my lesson for the day:

You can't stress over something before you've even experienced it. All of that stress is probably just unnecessary. And why should we freak out when we don't even know what we're going to expect?

And this applies to all aspects of life. I learned it today with my Western Civ exam. And I think it's a good thing to remember for the future.

So. Live for now. Don't worry about the life that is yet to come. Be happy. 

END of lesson.


On another note, yours truly will be home tomorrow night until sometime Sunday. Because on Sunday we're going to my uncles house for the Eagles game (yeah EAGLESSSSSS) and dinner. Then my mom and I are staying overnight and I'm coming back to school Monday morning :-( Booo school. But this week was awful, and now it's almost over, so I am sooo excited. YEAH BOIII. 

If someone were to tell me 7 months ago that I would be this happily in love, I probably wouldn't have believed them.

It's a good day.
:-D


my life, you electrify my life. let's conspire to ignite all the souls that would die just to feel alive. but i'll never let you go, if you promised not to fade away. never fade away...

I hate days like this.

Days when I take the longest nap of my life and waste the day away.
Days when I eat an entire thing of cheesesticks from Papa Johns because I am a fat kid.
Days when I feel like my boyfriend doesn't want to talk to me.
Days when I really, really, REALLY hate ex-girlfriends.
Days when I'm pissed off for no real reason.
Days when I am reminded of things from the past, but it's not even of good memories.
Days when I have homework to do, but put it off.
Days when I sit on my computer and do jack shit... when I should be doing my homework.
Days when I check myspace/facebook/yahoo/livejournal every 10 minutes.
DAYS WHEN I WISH I WAS HOME.

OH WAIT.

THAT'S EVERY DAY.

So for our 6 month anniversary (October 8), Josh gave me a copy of "The Secret Garden". And for anyone who really knows us, you'll know why that means a lot to me. Seriously... it made me so happy. My boyfriend is WUNDERBAR. I've read the first 2 chapters so far, and it's weird. Not the book itself, but the actual reading is weird. It's cool, though, to see the similarities and differences between the play and the book. I think I'll go read chaper 3, entitled "Across the Moor," right now.


much lovvvve.

This is how I'm feeling about this weekend:

Friday started my weekend off without a bang. Yes, WITHOUT a bang. It sucked. Well, the good part about that day was that I got my Comm paper back and it was an A. But that was about the only good thing. Steff and I went to breakfast and when I got back, I slept for a good 3 1/2 - 4 hours. Indeed. We played Quinnipiac at 4:00 and LOST, even though we shouldn't have. It was so redick... we lost by 1 and. Yeah. We should have won. Josh didn't call me all day and I didn't know if he was coming up that night or Saturday, so I got mad about that... like an idiot. But whatever. I got one of those really awful phone calls at 1:30 in the morning and I better never get one ever again. And if I do, I just won't answer.

I swear, I'm through with him.

After that phone call, I felt like shit AND felt bad that I was being a bitch to Josh earlier, so I called him and apologized. Friday night was weird. I spent a lot of the late night crying, and I honestly couldn't tell you why.

Saturday made my life a better place.

We had practice at 9:30 and it was pretty easy. Once that was over, I came back to my dorm and cleaned up a bit because it was looking a little scary. And then at 2:00 MY BOYFRIEND CAMMMMMME!!!!!!! Seriously, it was the best thing that could have happened this weekend. Being away from him is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

Saturday night, me, Josh, Ashley, Tommy, Courtney, Amy, Steff and Molly went to Friday's for dinner... HELLO, their fried man n cheese is soo good. Just thought you should know. When we got back to the room, Ashley and I played some intense hockey in the hallway. We were sooo loud. Josh and Tommy ended up being our goalies and I smacked Tommy in the shin. haha, it was kind of funny. Later that night, the four of us watched "Silent Hill" and I forgot just how much I hated that movie. It's so dumb... soooo dumb! What's the point? I still don't get the ending. Plain and simple, I hate that movie. La laa, ok. Sunday was a good day. We played Fairfield and won 3-1, true. After I showered, we watched the Eagles KICK THE COWBOYS ASSSSSSES!!!!!!!!!!!! :-D I was so happy, you have no idea. Josh and I went to the library to be studious children once the game was over. That night was crazzzzy. There were a thousand and one people in our room, and our room is pretty tiny. The night was starting to get a little messy toward the end, but it was all good. I love sleeping next to Josh. It makes me so happy... one of the best feelings in the world.

Today was alright... I had class in the morning, but got to spend a bit of time with Josh before he and Tommy left around 1:45. It was sad. I'll see him in another 11 days :-/ haaa, yeah, I count the days. I can't wait, though. I can't wait to go home and I can't wait to see him again. He's my favorite.

You know what I haven't said in a while? "Get at me." I think I'll start the trend up again.

This is what I learned this weekend:
1) Some people just don't change. As much as you think they might, or as much as you hope they do, some just... don't. And it's sad because friendships could be lost over really petty bullshit.
2) I hate ex-girlfriends. All of them. But I need to get over that... fast.
3) I love my boyfriend, more than I even knew. It's so nice when you can have a boyfriend and a best friend, all in the same person.

... is a movie I would like to see.

Since I've been away, these are the things I've apparently said in my sleep:

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, ok."
"Could you be a little louder?"  (directed toward Ashley apparently)
"When are you leaving? Yeah, but when are you leaving?"
"There's an alligator! Watch out, there's an alligator!"


ahhh yes. Sometimes I crack myself up.

So this is how my life took a big 180 yesterday: (and if you want to know the story without any details, just skip down to the part that says "and the moral is...")

Friday night was absolutely horrible. Josh was supposed to come here and stay until Sunday morning. It had been 3 weeks since I had last really seen him and, I know that may not seem like a lot and I could just be being a big baby about this all, but let's face it. I was sad. So for the past week and a half, September 22nd had been circled on my calender. On Friday morning, I woke up extra tired because, for absolutely no reason at all, Ashley, Kristen, and I were out and about, and then in Adam's room, until 3 in the morning. But I didn't care cause I was all like "YEAHHH, I'm going to see Josh today! (insert smiley face here)." I went to my comm class, almost fell asleep, got back in the room around 10:20, slept until 2:15, and then left for practice at 3. Needless to say, I was really excited all during practice. So Josh called me during dinner to get the directions and all was going accordingly. Until Josh called me at 7-something and said that his car overheated and he was on the side of the road right before Route 18 (which is like, halfway to Monmouth) (insert sad face here). We were both really upset because he was almost positive there was no way he'd get here. I talked to him a few times in the next couple hours and turns out he ended up having to get his car towed and his dad picked him up. They were there til about 11 before he went home. It was awful. It would have been different if it were just like any other week that goes by where I don't see him. But the fact was, he was supposed to come up. And even worse, he was already halfway here. So Friday night blew A LOT, and I went to sleep super sad.

But here is where my weekend changed.

I had practice at 8:30 yesterday morning (fun, eh?) and I woke up feeling like I wanted to cry. I was still being a depressed loser. I sat up in my bed and my back hurt like WHOA. I have no idea why, but I was in pain all of practice. So I could tell that the remainder of the day, and hell, the rest of the week, would not be so pleasant. Which was awful because last week was already the week from hell and I didn't want to go through that again. Practice was only an hour, so I got back to my room and showered right away. I had spoken to both my mom and Josh and few times that morning, and I guess he and I were feeling a little better, even though life was totally sucking at that point. Anyway, around 12:20 I was on the phone with my mom, feeling totally homesick, and half-joking I said "can't you and dad just pick me up for the night." And she was all like, are you being serious right now? And I figured, what have I got to lose? So I said "Uhh, yeah?" She put me on the phone with Bill and I was like "Daddddddddy, I had a really bad week and I'm really homesick and I'm sad because of last night, and all I want to do is see my boyfriend and my dogs (I knew my parents wouldn't take offense to this, considering I see them at least once a week because of my hockey games)." So Bill starts going "Ughh Stef, your mother and I were going to go to the movies this afternoon and blah blah blah blah BLAH." I pulled a really big guilt trip on him (ok, I didn't do it on purpose. I was just stating the facts, and the fact is that I have been a mess ALL DAMN WEEK), so he said "You owe us for this one."

:-D

My parents got me and I went home and, being the awesome girlfriend that I am, surprised Josh, and yesterday was the bestttt dayyy ever.

And the moral is:

I SAW MY BOYFRIEND YESTERDAY AND THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;-)



Oh, and the other good news of my life is that Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, and Dancing With The Stars are back on TV :-D

I know some people say that everything happens for a reason, but really, what is the explanation for this? Is there really a good reason? 

I'm so mad right now. Not at anyone in particular, just mad. Fucking mad.

I hate this so much.

Last night we ordered Papa John's and Adam was in our room until 1:00 watching "Wedding Crashers."

That sentence concludes 2 things:
1) Papa John's one night + Nelly's for the 2 nights before that = why I've felt so large lately, even though I'm running almost every day
2) People being in our room really late almost every night + 8:30 classes every day = why I'm always tired

It's all starting to make sense.


Oh, I've also decided that a field hockey ball to the forearm is not a fun feeling :-(

Here is the story of my life:

- I like school, sort of
- I miss Collingswood
- I miss my dogs
- I miss my friends
- I MISS MY BOYFRIEND :-(
- Field hockey is alright, just time consuming I guess
- I miss theater
- I want a job so I can have more spending money
- I wish I could go home whenever I wanted
- I actually miss my family
- I decided that I really, really hate fake people. One in particular. Grrrrr.....
- Last night we ordered Nelly's after 1:00 in the morning, and I had an 8:30 class. Oh college.
- I always want to sleep a lot
- Whenever I go in the Monmouth bookstore, I spend money
- I had a really weird feeling when I woke up this morning
- It's official: I'm homesick

The end.

Yeah, so, classes started yesterday. First I had Intro to Communications and I absolutely love my professor. She's so quirky and chill. It's awesome. After that I had Western Civ and it was alright. I really like the teacher, I'm just not particularly looking forward to the class itself. But I'll get over it. The material is alright... if I had to learn about any kind of history, it would probably be this stuff. I just think it's going to be a lot of work. Then I went to lunch with the girls and did nothing remotely important for the rest of the day. We had off from practice, so I basically hung around here, talked to my boy, did some homework, talked to my boy again, and then went to sleep. Today's a little different. Basically had the same schedule, with the 2 morning classes that is. First I had Information Technology. Ah, ok. It's like Intro to Computers all over again. Except luckily this teacher is a lot better than Mrs. Bryan. I won't enjoy this class, though, because I hate using Excel and PowerPoint, and all that other bullshit. But alas, it's a requirement, and I'll get through it. Most of the time I'm pretty good with computers so, even though she said the class was a lot of work, I'm hoping I can handle it. After that was Freshman Seminar. Easy A and I don't think it will be boring. But it's kind of like my fluff class. Again, a requirement. So at 2:30, we frosh have mandatory meetings with our different majors. That's going to cut into practice, so then we're lifting afterwards. And after that, homework time for Stefanie. 

Collingswood started school today. Not gonna lie, I'm kind of sad. I miss it. And I know I'm being stupid, but whatever. Last night Josh was telling me how lucky I am to be in college and blah blah, but I like, grew up in that high school. There are a lot of things I miss about it. Just the familiarity alone is something I miss. And the plays, and choir. But whatever. It'll be fine. It's just going to take some getting used to.

But let's not forget to mention all of the people I miss.

:'-(

I'm going to take a nap before that meeting thing.
Hope you're all having fun at school.




my life, you electrify my life. let's conspire to ignite all the souls that would die just to feel alive. but i'll never let you go, if you promised not to fade away. never fade away...  <3 <3 <3

Yesterday was sooo gooood. For serious.

My mom and Josh got here around 10:00 AM and, yeah, I know it had only been just over a week since I've seen him. But I was soooooooooo happy, I can't even put it into words. And I don't know the next time I'm really going to see him, so whatever. We spent a good portion of the day moving me into my actual dorm, and that was so hectic. Between all of my shit and all of Ashley's shit, our room looked like a war zone for a good few hours. Now that everything's in place, it actually looks pretty nice. Kind of crammed, but still nice. Kristin still has to move in on September 3rd, but we left her an equal amount of space, so there should be no problems there. And I'm sure we'll be moving stuff around anyway.

But omg. I was so happy all day.
Like this:
:-D

And now that he's gone I'm like this:
:'-(

Tear.

I must say. This past weekend was wunderbar. Friday night the team went to the movies to see "Step Up". The movie itself was okay, and just okay. But I had a good time anyway. Saturday was our scrimmage at Drexel and it was so weird being so close to home. Like, we were seriously 2 minutes away. The first thing was when we passed the Cherry Hill Mall. Then we were in Pennsauken, right by The Pub. I was just like "Drop me off!" We lost by 2 I think, but we played well regardless. I think we'll be pretty good this year. I got some good playing time, so I hope that's some sort of indicator for the rest of the season. I don't know, we'll see. We have 2 games this weekend up in Conneticut, the first is on Saturday against Hofstra, and the second is Sunday against Virginia Commonwealth. I'm really excited now because, since the Drexel scrimmage is out of the way, I'm not really nervous anymore. But anyway. Since we had off on Sunday, almost everyone was going home this weekend, and at first I couldn't because my parents were going to a wedding that night. But LUCKILY, Brittany and Tine pulled through and picked me up. haha, I was so excited! It was weird being back at home, even though I was only gone for a week. But I liked it. That night Josh called me after his concert was over, and I went to his house til around 2 or something. I WAS SOOOOOOOOO HAPPY TO SEE HIM. Like seriously, you have no idea. Sunday I spent all day with him and it was GRREAT. We went to the Bread Board for lunch, saw Lindsay and her family there, had the best egg salad sandwich EVER, and all was good. Then we continued to be fat kids and went to Coldstone. Mmmm, cheesecake ice cream with graham cracker pie crust and heath bar... so good, so good. Let's see. We went to the mall after that and Josh bought the ugliest sandals ever, even though I tried to disuade him from buying them. I think later on he regretted spending those 5 dollars. I think we just kind of chilled out after that, but I was so happy to be with him, I didn't care what we did. Leaving him for the second time sucked, but it definitly wasn't as bad as the first time.

I still really miss him right now. I was so sad this morning. But it's getting better.

He's coming up with my mom on Monday to move me into my new dorm, so only 6 more days!!!


ohhhh how i hope the days go by fast

Alright. So this past week was really weird... you know, having to say goodbye to everybody and whatnot. I went out to dinner with Rob on Wednesday and it was really bizarre when I got out of his car, knowing I wouldn't see him for a few months. And like, whatever, that's fine... it's just that for the past 6 years I've seen the same people constantly for 10/12 months of the year, and then sometimes over the summer. Saturday we had shopping cart polo (HELLLLO, Josh and I were the best people on our team. hahaha. No really. Not only were we good on the field, but we were really stylish in our silver shorts and white bandanas. YEAHHHHH), and I had to say goodbye to Andrew, Danielle, and Pat. I was really sad. Saturday night was the worst, though. Josh, Sarah, and Avery came over for dinner with my family and I was fine the whole time. When Sarah left, though, she had me bawling. It was awful. It got even worse that night when I went to Josh's house. Leaving him was the hardest. I was crying on and off the whole time I was there :-(  I think things will work out, so I don't know if I'm really worried about that, it's just that I'm used to seeing him every day and now I may go months without him. 

I'm going to stop being stupid now cause I'm just making myself more sad.

hahaha, yeah, sorry.

:-/

Anyway, yesterday was the first day of preseason and all we did was 2 conditioning tests. Yeah. They were tiring, but not bad at all. Today was our first real practice. We had a session this morning, and then we just had an hour session for corners. That one was so easy. Now we have 2 hours before our next session. I'm having fun though. I like the team and my roommate is really nice. Mmhmm.

But anyway. I think I'll go read.

I miss my boyfriend.

Wow.

So the Muse concert was fucking awesome.

I honestly wish I had more to say about it, but that pretty much sums it up.


Moving on... today I ran errands with my parents from 10:30-6:30. WHAT THE FUCK? So my entire day was shot. I didn't work out like I was supposed to. Oh well, shit happens. I'm feeling extremely apathetic at the moment. I do apologize for the lack of enthusiasm. I have a feeling I'm not going out tonight. I tried calling Aryn, but no one answered. I'm kind of upset about that because I don't think I've seen her since May and now I leave next week. Sometimes I think about my friendship with her and it makes me sad. I wish we could have stayed better friends, even after she left to go to Baptist High. And if you didn't know, Aryn and I were inseperable in elementary school. She and Sarah were my first best friends. It's kind of funny that Sarah's moving away only brought us closer, yet Aryn's going to another high school did the complete opposite. In conclusion, it would be really nice to see her, that's all. And then Josh is at the docks or whatever... which I don't really get anyway. I know I've never gone before, but I still don't understand why people think it's so much fun. Then again, I guess if you're with your friends, anything can be fun. And if I ever go, for the most part I wouldn't be with my friends, and I would just feel awkward and stupid. I feel like I haven't spent a lot of time with him lately, yet I know that's not really true. I think I'm just beginning to freak out because the reality of me leaving next Sunday is starting to become more real.

Yeah.

Next weekend.

Tonight is my last real weekend night home, and I'm not going to do anything. I'm not going to see any friends, I'm not going to see my boyfriend... I'm just going to sit in my room and watch "Snatch" because if I can't be with the aforementioned, then I might as well spend my Saturday night with Benicio and Brad.

I randomly felt like crying two times earlier today. I feel like crying again.

Sucks for me.